just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
