my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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