Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
