Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
