What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
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Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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