I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
