I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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