God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
