It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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