You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
