I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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