he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
How does it feel to date your dad?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
