You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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