Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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