He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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