do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
