did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i wish my penis had a tongue
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
