Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
