So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
