he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
