How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
