She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
