How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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