the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
