remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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