i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
