At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
