She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
