She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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