I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
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Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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