Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Couch. On fire.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
