this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
