Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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