We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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