He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
