girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
