There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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