remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
