Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
