i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
