So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
