You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
