I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
