he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
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This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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