Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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