Already got asked if we're dating
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Small penises have feelings too.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
