Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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