i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
