you guys were way drunker than both of me
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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