ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
