i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
