Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
