So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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