she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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