We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
