How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
