Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
