I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
