I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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