I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
