How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
