You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
