Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
