So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
