i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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