ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
