she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Who died my cat blue again?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
