You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
