Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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