We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
