I think i peed on brittanys purse
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
