i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
