Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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