I am in a vortex of obligation.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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