i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
