dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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