If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
