You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
