Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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