have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
