I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
